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Saturday, July 25, 2009

Love Timeline

Do you still remember the feeling of falling in love???

A sad case for me that I think this kind of feeling is sailing away from me now. Baby stuffs, house chores and some leftover stress and depressions kinda made my love bug died! How sad~

Me and Bun are so-not-in-the-mood-of-love nowadays. I think that's also one of the main reason that caused us different opinions in MOST of the things happening in life and arguments EVERYDAY! =_="

Argh~ Boring life of a young wife/mum. And am getting numb of everything!

And whenever there's an argument between me and Bun, both of us will not talk to each other... It's like a challenge: Whoever talks to the opponent LOSES THE BATTLE!!!

Childish maybe, but it's all about pride. Pride does matter.

Most of the time, I'm the winner. I can stop talking to him for hours or even, the whole day! He's the one who can't take the face I'm showing him and he desperately need someone to talk to him sometimes.

And whenever I'm in the cold war with him, I'll drown myself in the deep sea of my memories. I always does this.

And starting to think back... When was the first time I taste love?

I remember when I was little, around 7 years old, I had a crush on a boy who called 'Amirul'! Yeah, that time I just think that he's funny and attractive and nice to play with.

Who the hell knows we have to convert to Muslim at age of 7? LOL!!!

Anyway, this Amirul boy was sitting next to me. We will talk and draw pictures on papers. And the aggressive personality I have actually told him that I like him!

Surprise??? That means you don't know me well! LOL! I'm always aggressive when it comes to LOVE! Hehe~

And apparently this Amirul boy is afraid of me and ask for a seat change in class! Haha~ And there goes my first small pure crush on boys.

The next crush thingy happens when I was 12 going to 13.

It is year end holiday, me and my neighbour a.k.a 青梅竹马 ( friend who grew up together) went to work at a factory that time. The working place was located at Puchong Industrial Park, every morning have to wake up at 6a.m and get ready to wait for the uncle come fetch us at 7a.m.

There's only 6 or 7 part time workers there. And most of them are aged 12 - 15 including me.

This is the BEST working experience I've ever had.

The fun working atmosphere and jokes all around just made this experience memorable!

And here, I found Michael. A 14 years old boy with sunny smile! His smile and his jokes really brighten up my day. I guess this is why I fall for him.

We didn't really made any promises to each other. We're just flirting and enjoying it at the same time.

But when the holiday comes to its end, his friends start to urge him to approach me. And I say yes and officially become his girlfriend......

Which last only for a week or two. -_-"""

We broke up through phone calls because it was impossible to meet each other during school days. Imagine one at Puchong another at KL, without own transportation. Ah~ I rather being kill than take public transportation there.

I cried in the middle of the night for one whole months. LOL! When I think back the whole thing now it seems funny, but the love that we showed each other made deep impressions in me.

13 years old, Secondary school life starts here!!! So does the puppy loves!!!

I found my BFFs and together we joined Kadet Remaja Sekolah. (KRS) We love outdoor activities!

And when we're joining our first camp in the club, this one senior approach and say wanna know my friend! We're totally happy for her!

Maybe we watched too much of crappy movies, we actually meet up with this guy and his friend another day just so we can talk about the terms & conditions being friend with Calvin (the guy who approach) and what he'll do just to make his promises sounds reliable.

And suddenly he say he had a crush on me.

I was like :WTF!? I thought you were after my friend????????

I was surprised like hell and now I'm one of the main character of this whole discussing thing. LOL!

Calvin's friend made a promise which sounds like this:
If Calvin ever betray/cheat on you while be with you, I will run around the school compound naked!!! (YEAH! THAT MEANS YOU STILL OWE ME THE NAKED RUN TILL TODAY!!!)

Ridiculous but all of us buy what he said. LOL! Unbelivable naive right????

The whole puppy love relationship goes on and off on and off, I even made friends with one of his rumour girlfriend which made attempts of suicide because of his on and off behaviour.

WTF! When I know this I made up my mind that this whole thing has to come to an end. Yes, I broke up with him, yelling this decision at the corridor outside my class during break time with tears flowing down. And he's so irresponsible he doesn't even care about what I feel! What a jerk!

So, after the yelling incident at corridor, I moved on.

Form 2, I was degrade to a lousy class because I was not doing well in my studies. And this time, boys whom I met are those who does not put effort in studies, like to linger around cyber cafe and snooker centre, and skip classes whenever they like.

I was arranged to sit with a guy called Eng Meng at the last row because I was the tallest girl among all.

At first, I didn't feel there's anything special in him or between us. We merely even speak. But as time goes by, more and more topic spoken, and somehow I found him quite attractive. A different kind of boy I've never encounter with before this. And yet, another crush for me.

I'm not so sure how he feels, but I dropped him a small note in his bag saying: I like You, how bout you? Let me know k?

LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL!!!!! My friends were shocked. They can't believe I did this, and yes I DID!!!!!

And things turn out to be good, he likes me too!!! And then, another puppy love relationship begins!

But somehow the special feelings of me towards him start to change bit by bit as I slowly discover that he's not my type. Honest to say, he doesn't meet my level, as a human being. I can't find things to be learn and be proud of in him.

Irresponsible me? Yes, I admit. I shouldn't start the whole thing in a rush. Should've put it aside and see how my heart feels. I know I hurt him a lot that after I clear out my mind that I don't wanna continue this relationship, we didn't speak for the rest of the year.

I didn't have a chance to say this, but allow me to say it here:

"I'm Sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you with my immature actions towards this issue. I hope you'll understand and accept my apologies. Sorry."

Ahh~ I feel better.

And life goes on... Of course this whole crush thingy didn't end just there.

In fact, I had crush on a lot of people after that! Not all at the same time of course.

I had a crush on a good looking form 5 senior when I was form 3. I called him and we chat even though he doesn't really know who am I. And this whole situation become funny because once again, I confessed!

LOL! Yeah, I know I did it again. But I just can't help it. I want to let him know how much I fell for him and I wanna know whether he has the same feelings too. But apparently NOT! He doesn't like me, he even asked his classmate to call me and threaten me not to contact him anymore.

My small lil heart was broken. T_T So cruel!!! He could've told me that directly instead of asking friends to act as his girlfriend and do this threatening phone call!

However, this heart broken incident didn't stop me from having crush on somebody else. And this somebody is no ordinary human being, he's alien, from outter space. LOL!

I didn't make confession this time, but somehow he manage to find out that I was having crush on him, and he asked one of the girl which is MY FRIEND to act as his girl friend just to let me feel out of hope in becoming his girl friend.

Yes, I appreciate him of being this kind, not to tell me to stop falling in love with him directly in my face but asking MY FRIEND to act as his girl friend is just as hurt as telling me directly!

NO! IT HURTS EVEN MORE!

I got turned down by this guy I like and at the same time, betrayed by my friend!!! Things can't get more worst than that!!!!

Some insiders told me this whole plot and then I realise I'm just a funny clown, being laughed by those who know this whole incident.

From that day onwards, I no longer keep in touch with that girl anymore!

That girl is none other than Lim Li Pin! If you insist in knowing her name.

How can you be so cruel to your friend that you actually act as her crush's girl friend??? Some more, if I'm not mistaken, you guys even hold hands in front whenever I'm around!

You can refuse to do this by telling alien, but you DIDN'T! In fact, you somehow kinda enjoy in this whole acting!!!

Why???

Because you're enjoying in being his so-call-fake-girlfriend! Am I right? Attention Seeking TRAITOR!

This is so unacceptable. I was so furious when I know the truth and I swear to myself this girl will never ever ever appear in my friend list FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!

I hate people betray me! Especially MY FRIENDS! What are friends for??????? To be betray and laugh at???

FUCK YOU!!!

Fyi, I never talk to her ANYMORE since the day I know the truth. On another side, me and alien become friends till today. Nice right? :D

From there, I move on again. From senior at Form 6 to drama class senior, move on to my best friend's boyfriend, then to my Japanese class teacher... I never stop falling in love, making confessions and then being rejected.

Not even one of them accept my love. I was all heart broken and seriously, feeling miserable and ashame of myself. I felt that as if I'm an ugly duckling that no one loves her because of her ugly looking.

I was in a consistent of depressions when I was 18 - 19 years old as I feel my life is colourless and lack of love. Friendship is another thing, that doesn't count. When it comes to love, my heart is longing for it, for such a long time, it was all exhausted and despair.

I haven't been loved and pampered by someone who loves me since I was 14 years old! That makes me forget the feeling of being loved by someone!

Watching all my friends commit themselves in relationship makes me feel envy over them. They manage to find someone who love them so much that they willing to put in a lot of effort just to make each other happy!

Wow, just by seeing them smile happily, falling in love with each other deeply sometimes made my heart ache so bad.

Thanks to one of my BFF Peiyue who is eagerly trying to find me a good guy, and she has made it!

Yes, she and one her friend of that time, which is now my friend too plan the whole thing to introduce Bun to me, and the whole thing just go on and on and on until today.

This whole blog post sounds funny? Maybe. But you can never imagine how much I've learn from these people. They are the one who mold me into ME this day!

Without them and all these sweet and sour experiences, I will never be the ME today. And too, you'll never imagine the mature-ness in me after all these years.

The one thing I should always remind people around me is:

If you feel like doing it, then just do it! Don't ever just let the chance pass by and then regret for not doing it! You're not worth to pity at all if that's your case!

That's why I never fail to make confessions to those whom I have crush on. I want them to understand my feelings, even though I know most likely they'll get the shock of their life and then refuse my approach.

It's ok and totally fine with me. At least I've tried my best in pursuing my happiness! :) And there's nothing to be regret of!

Ha! I think I'm gonna teach Xuan Xuan this theory of life when he grow up! XD

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