Tuesday, October 28, 2008

About Me, Myself

Recently, I opened all those pictures files and view again all those old pictures of me and my friends... About what I had been through last year...

I was once so carefree, freedom and joyful person (Not that now I'm suffering, but compare to before, now I'm kinda not that happy like I used to be...)

Look back at all those pictures, there's many different emotions appears inside my heart... But the strongest of all is - Will I ever enjoy life like this again?

I wanna become a beautiful lady, wanna do make-ups, nail polish, go shopping... Yeah, these become something that I can't fulfill nowadays... I don't even have time to eat my meals! LOL~ Where will have extra time to do these kind of luxury things?

Maybe need to wait my son grow bigger 1st...

Here are some photos of ME... Some of them I think I never post it on this blog before... LOL~ Everytime wanna blog bout those events I take part in but no mood, then slowly I forgot there's still things I haven't blog about... LOL!

*Around March, Me and Peiyue went to Maison with my hubby's friendssss*

*This is what we're doing when we're working at PC Fair - Camwhoring*

*Went to Genting with my bf(now is my hubby lo!) around May*

*A joyful night to celebrate Kok Cheong's birthday at Thai Club! I'm still using my pink phone that time~ Ah! Lovely*

*Went to The Apartment at The Street, The Curve there with my ex-school mates a.k.a photography club members! Do alot of camwhoring there too!!! Haha!*

I wanna live myself to the fullest again... Can I?

Tuesday, October 21, 2008


Too many things to do, too less time to use...

Not enough time for me to breathe too!

Maybe I should pit down everything for tiny-bitsy one day and let free of myself...

Then I think I will be able to smile again and continue this war of life!

Here's something for you to laugh at:(Click to enlarge)

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

What I Am Next...

This is what I'm going to be next!!!!

*Not the black one, the WHITE one!!!*

Been searching for these dresses, head dresses, accessories and so much more... But these cost alot!!!!!

Yikes~ How come so many girls around PJ Subang area so rich can own so many lolita dresses and stuffs???

Anyway~ I will work hard on my business and save money to buy!!! Wish me Luck~!!

P.S: Lolita not from Japan one lo~ From Western one lo... But Japanese really geng! Can bring out the trend!!! ^w^

P.S2: Don't know my son will scare or not see his mummy become lolita pula -_-""""

Sunday, October 5, 2008

A Walk To Remember

*No, no, this post is not about the movie that Mandy Moore acted in*

Today, I will post about the experience I had when I deliver my baby boy... Don't worry! No bloody photos in this post! HAHA XD *No photo at all in this so-long-post*

So... talk back what happened during that very day of my life 31st August 2008:

7:30a.m. - I woke up... Slept for 3 hours only because I went to the KFC outlet beside Carrefour Wangsa Maju to meet Peiyue them to pass all those crystals and stuffs for her to continue our business... Hehe~ Cannot stop doing business because of me de ma right? And also I wanna eat my last KFC supper before my post-natal confinement!!! X_X

7:50a.m. - After take the last bath I could, I had my last normal breakfast = Kaya bread + milo + plain water

8:15a.m. - After checked all the things to pack and bring, there we go! To the hospital!!!

8:45a.m. - I arrived General Hospital. I got the letter to admit into hospital so I straight went to the counter to submit my details and then a nurse lead me and my hubby to the 2nd floor. I wanna admit to 1st floor, I'm more familiar with the surroundings there... And nurses too V_V

9:00a.m. - I was told to change to change to their pinkish patient wear, then had a small, short orientation about the hospital rules and some stuffs by the nurse in charge that time. Have to sign alot of paper also about understanding their hospital rules, belongings are at our own risk and stuffs.

9:15a.m. - Just when I was about to stand up from the chair at the reception counter there, suddenly I felt a gush of water just flow out from me! I was like O_O""""" Am I passing my urine or WHAT?????? The water just keep flowing and flowing... I really feel like I'm an old woman suffer from very serious bladder weakness. The nurse asked DO NOT SIT DOWN on their cushioned chair... I was kinda blank in my mind not knowing what to do.

9:25a.m. - I was told to sit and wait for the doctor come and check. Finally I saw the doctor - which was a MALE DOCTOR! X_X Yikes... Told to lie on the bed, and open my legs. I knew it'll be pain. I try to calm down myself by breathing deeply. The doctor wears glove, put on some cream on his 2 fingers and then he insert his fingers to see how many cm dilated. It was SO PAINFUL! I wanna close my legs and nurse keep scold me and ask me to open my leg... I keep on breathe deeply... Until the end of the checking. I was 2cm dilated, but the baby's head was very very low.

9:35a.m. - I was asked to changed new patient wear again... Because the previous one is so wet... And gotta wear those maternity pads too to absorb those water. And I was told to lie down on my bed which is bed number 23.

9.45a.m. - Kok Bun went to car to bring down all my things. I was lying on the bed, so uncomfortable and I try to distract my attention from those uncomfortable feelings by sending sms to Kei, Son, Peiyue and some of my friends. At the same time, a machine to detect baby's heartbeat and movement too was tied on my tummy...

10:00a.m. - Kok Bun have to go to buy something that I was lack of - some dry foods, disposable panties... I really really hate to be alone that time... But there's no other choice. Still sms-ing to let myself calm... LOL! And I call up my mum to tell her my condition, and she say she'll prepare some post-natal confinement food for me after I deliver the baby.

10:30a.m. - Can start to feel some pain when the contraction starts... And I just knew that contraction doesn't means that need to feel the pain from tummy, when tummy feels hardening, that's one kind of contraction too... I was kinda lucky because I didn't feel any pain before, just alot of hardening at the tummy area.

11:00a.m. - I can feel the pad was absolutely wet. Wanna change it because don't know why, I really really scared that I make the hospital bed dirty, maybe its because the nurses there are more serious looking that 1st floor. When I walk down from the bed, I can feel some liquid flow down along my leg... Yikes~ Can see all the water stains when I walk by...

11:15a.m. - I was waiting to go into toilet for 15 minutes!!! Sitting at the plastic chair there.. Feeling so uncomfortable, and pain too... Some of the patient took so long time in the toilet because they're taking bath! Oh My Gosh~!! Cannot faster ma? And another reason is only 3 bathroom available... No wonder I have to wait for so long!!!

11:30a.m. - I was inside the toilet, thinking to put on a new pad or not because I can feel the pain and contraction comes more and more often. I walked out from the toilet, went to the reception counter there to told the nurse I can feel strong contraction. You know what those OLD and EXPERIENCED nurses said? NOT SO FAST LA~ wait more a while la~ O_O"""" But I was sooooo pain~ I told the nurse I insist for a check!!!

11:40a.m. - This time 2 male doctors and one nurse came into the medical room. 1st, the male doctor that checked me before check me again, and he was not sure, the another male doctor check me (SO PAIN!!!!) and then ask the OLD and EXPERIENCED nurse to check. 3 times in a row!!! I really really can't tahan the pain whenever they insert their fingers inside! And then, the result is I was 3cm+ almost 4cm dilated. The doctor told the nurse can send me to labor room.

11:45a.m. - I was told to sit on a wheelchair. Have to pass out everything I have with me. Have to undress my bra too. Then I asked the nurse whether I can took my mobile phone along and the answer is NO! Yikes... The nurse took a baby clothes and diapers which I prepared in the bag and then head to the labor room.

12:00p.m. - The nurse that push my wheelchair was a very nice nurse. She keep on talking to me to distract me from those painful feelings. And the first feeling I had when I enter the labor room is = Is this the 1st class ward? So white in colour and feels so clean and new. Air-conditioned some more~ So comfortable... And because it was Merdeka Day, so they decorated a corner with cute bears and Malaysia flag too! ^_^ Cute~!!

12:05p.m. - I was kinda afraid because I haven't inform Kok Bun I'm going into the labor room, I scared that he couldn't find me... And suddenly, maybe the loneliness and the feeling of afraid attacks my weak mental, I feel like wanna cry...

12:15p.m. - Each and every labor room got a nurse in charge. Mine is a young nurse. I'm in labor room 16. I think there's 20 something labor room. The nurse I'm with was kinda nice... Talking to me, and I also asked her some questions... But I can't really remember what's the content of our conversation because I was in pain of contraction...

12:45p.m. - Kok Bun finally came and when I saw him, I feel like wanna cry again... He asked me whether I'm pain or not, keep on holding my hands so firmly I can feel his support from the bottom of his heart. At the same time, the nurse check and see how many cm dilated, at that time I only reached 5cm... She say normal people only can open 1cm per hour... 10cm is fully dilated, means I gotta go through all the pain for 5 more hours??? OH NO....

1:00p.m. - I reached 6cm... But the pain comes so often I really can't breathe properly. The contraction makes you feel the urge to push but in fact you can't, because its a waste of energy if you push at the 2nd stage of contraction which I'm in now... Then, the nurse told me to lie at my right, because this position not only will speed up the dilation, it also will provide more oxygen to the baby inside, but also will feel more painful if the contraction attacks. Without any hesitation, I lied at my right... And then I can sense the contraction is coming again, I grabbed the pillow so tight and try to breathe properly... The nurse then pass me a mask to ask me to breathe in whenever the contraction starts. I do it at the next contraction and I can feel some the gases from the mask shortens the pain.

1:15p.m. - Whenever the contraction attacks, I cover my mouth and nose with the mask and breathe deeply, but I was advice not to inhale so much the gas as it will make me feel sleepy and lack of energy... At the same time, whenever the contraction comes, Kok Bun helped me and massage my back to make me feel calm...

1:30p.m. - A midwife in charge of my labor came into the labor room. She checked and said I reached 8cm. The contraction continues, but I can see midwife was waiting aside, going to start her task soon...

1:45p.m. - I was SLEEPING between the contraction! Can you believe it? Those gases makes me feels so tired and I fall asleep when the contraction ends! And I was awake again when the contraction starts...

2:00p.m. - In the middle of blurryness, I can hear the midwife asked me to push! But I was too tired, I wanna sleep... Can hear midwife shouting, Kok Bun keep on talking to me, but I was too lack of energy and too blur to give them any response, and suddenly, I can feel the contractions comes again, and this time, it was so pain I was totally awake! The midwife keep on ask me push like how I 'pang sai'... I do like what she said, but my inhale and exhale timing was not match with the pushing which makes the baby difficult to be push out, everytime it looks like the baby is coming out, but my exhale make the baby stuck at the same place again. The midwife also ask Kok Bun to look at the baby's head.. Can see baby's head almost come out... O_O""""" But I was so energy-less...

2:05p.m. - There comes the doctor... I don't know why there's doctor and I don't know what this doctor is going to do to me until I saw him holding a pair of scissors and then he cut the bottom of my cervix. Accompany with that cut, I scream out loud because of the pain!!!! The contraction pain was nothing compare to this cut!!! X_X

2:34p.m. - Right after the cut, I was told by the midwife to give a one last good push... And with all my mind and heart, I breathe in deeply, and try all my best to push... And suddenly, I delivered my baby!!!!! I can feel a sudden relieve at my tummy, and I heard my baby crying too! The nurse wiped the baby and put him on my chest... I was so touched, shocked for his arriving, I keep on saying :"baby ar, you see! baby ar!" to Kok Bun.... And then, the baby was carried away to clean up and to suck clean everything from the baby's nose and mouth. Then the nurse showed me the private part of the baby and ask me what's the gender of the baby. This is to confirm that both parents and hospital crew know clearly what's your baby gender and plug on a name tag on the baby's leg to avoid missing or changing baby to other mother... You know lo~ All babies looks the same...

2:40p.m. - After the deliver, Kok Bun have to leave the labor room and wait outside. And the midwife sit down and start the stitching... She gave me a dose of ubat bius then start stitching. The needle she use is not straight one, its a "C" shape needle. I feel like I'm a fish got hooked on a fisherman's hook... Each and everytime the midwife poke the needle into my flesh, I can feel the painfulness even though I've already been injected with ubat bius. I required the midwife for another dose because I really can't stand the pain everytime she start stitching, the midwife gave me another injection but she say no good if too many dose... I DON'T CARE LA I JUST WANT A PAINLESS STITCHING PROCESS!!! X_X Between the stitching process, we talked alot, but too, I forgot the content of the conversation @_@ The last stitch is the most painful stitch!!! OMG~ After that, both nurse and midwife leave the labor room and I fall asleep deeply...

4:00p.m. - The midwife come into the room and wake me up. Its time for me to go back to the ward. I received a set of baby clothes due to my baby was born on Merdeka Day~!!! Then the nurse bring my baby to my side and ask me breastfeed him... And I do like what the nurse told me, including adjust my position and so on... My baby was crying and he become silent and suck so hard. Then we're both sent back to the ward, my no.23 bed.

4:15p.m. - my mum arrived, she brought me rice and red dates water. Wow~ Didn't know I was so hungry, but not really have much appetite. Didn't finish those rice... Hmm... Then my hubby told me that Kei, Son and Kei's sister Kaede is coming to visit me! Haha~ I was so happy heard that they'll come. I smsed Peiyue and told her that I delivered my baby also. Then I fall asleep again.

5:00p.m. - My beloved friends arrived! They say I look pale. Ya I know, I can feel I was very blur and energyless... Didn't talk much to them because talking seems like a very forceful action for me to do at that time. I think I breathe in too much those gases during my contractions. Yikes... And they're so happy to see my baby... Keep taking photos of him. Haha~ *Sorry for no energy to entertain you guys ya~*

6:00p.m. - It's time for my friend to go back... Feels so thankful for their visiting. After they leave, I fall asleep again.

7:30p.m. - The ward visiting hours has ended... Kok Bun need to leave... I was still energyless I scared I couldn't take care the baby really well when he cry but there will be no exception for anyone even though cesarean birth. Why hospital don't let husband stay to take care baby leh? Mother already very tired, need alot of rest to recover, and its kinda painful to move also... Haihz... I feel very helpless... Wish the hospital can change their rules and regulations to create a more comfortable condition for mothers.

9:00p.m. - My mum brought me my dinner... LOL~ Inside contains pork and ginger and long beans. I ate pork at hospital, how bad I am didn't respect other races of people... Feel kinda guilty to do that at a public place. My mum only allowed to stay a while. Before I start my eatin my meal, I went to toilet to change my maternity pads because I can feel it was soaking wet! And the pink sarung I wear and the bed got blood stains too... Yikes... As I walked slowly to the toilet, I feel like there's not enough oxygen for me to breath... After some time, I reached the toilet. As I start changing my clothes, I can see the image around me starting to turn to white colour... The longer time I stand, the whiter the image I see, then without caring whether I'm wearing clothes or not, I opened the toilet door, and use all my energy left to yell for nurse's help. But my voice was too small, like cat miao-ing... Then, luckily a lady pass by, I asked for her help. She quickly call nurse to come and see. The nurse asked me to wear the clothes by sitting down and then she'll come again with wheelchair. I left alot of blood stains inside the toilet. It was totally mess. Yikes~ Sorry for the one who have to clean up. My mum was shocked when she saw me on a wheelchair. I told her that I feel so dizzy. Must be losing alot of blood during the labor process that cause my dizziness. @_@

9:30p.m. - Still can't finish my dinner. I think my mum gave me alot of rice and meat and vege makes me can't finish. My mum have to leave as the guard give warning to her... Haihz. Hate to be alone. Luckily my baby haven't cry because of hungry yet... Still have some time to sleep and rest.

11:00p.m. - Finally, baby cried. I took some time to come down from the bed because of the pain that comes from the bottom. I carry my baby to my side and start feeding him. He can find my nipple accurately and start sucking right away after my nipple is in his mouth. I feel so happy and satisfied that I can produce enough breast milk for his appetite. This shows its a good start for both of us if I want to breastfeed my baby. After a while, baby falls asleep in my arms, I put him back to the baby cot, and I continue to rest.

1st September 2008:

4:ooa.m. - Baby awake again... He keeps on looking around, I can feel his curiosity towards his surroundings. A nurse came and took my baby to the nursing room to feed him some milk. This makes me can have a nice sleep.

7:00a.m. - I woke up when I heard some noice made by my baby boy. I looked out from the window and saw that sky was so nice and beautiful and the sun shines so bright! I feel so happy because from the bottom of my heart I can sense that my baby is going to start his journey of his life with a bright start! After feed him, some nurses came to change the bed sheets, doctors came to check my condition and baby's condition too...

9:00a.m. - Pediatrician came to check more details of my baby and give me an appointment date to bring my baby bakc to hospital to do some blood test because I'm a minor thalassemia carrier and wanna see that whether my baby is a carrier too or not. And then, there come nurses with BCG dose boxes and needles... My baby cried so loud when the nurse inject the dose of BCG at his left arm... My heart so pain too see my baby cry. After all the checkings and injections, me and my baby was allowed to go home!!! YAY~ HOORAY! No need stay at hospital already!!! *\^o^/*

12:30p.m. - Kok Bun arrived hospital with my mum and my lunch too... Then he went to the reception counter for my hospital discharge process. My mum and I were busy packing and cleaning up things while waiting for the process to end. After its done, I have to sit on the wheelchair, holding my baby in my arms and push by a nurse and wait at the main entrance of the building until Kok Bun drives the car and reach the main entrance. Getting into the car was a tough task for me too... Yikes~


P.S: Thanks to all the nurses, midwife, doctors and pediatricians that helped me and my baby during this tough process of labor.

P.S 2: Thanks to all my friends and bloggers that send me wishes and thanks for you guys' concern and support! Thank You!!

P.S 3: Thanks to my husband and my family that always support me and be with me. I know I'm bad tempered but you guys still love me so much and receive all my negative emotions and turns it into a positive one to influence me. You guys are my precious treasure of my life! Thank You So Much!

Love You Guys!!!