Thursday, July 2, 2009

I messed up!

My life, literally.

Just viewed Jamie and Brenda's registration of marriage(R.O.M) video clip and photos at facebook. (I mistakenly thought Jamie was called Bernard because I'm sure I saw this name somewhere else at Brenda's friendster... Now Yik Chong's name become Jamie already, LOL!)

You know what? I think mine R.O.M is pathetically indescribable miserable.

I don't even have ONE, NOT EVEN ONE friend attend my R.O.M... That should be one of my happiest moment of life which I have to and need to remember but not anyone is there to witness that moment with me.

What a poor little girl I am... Honestly, I'm still holding a grieve about this deep inside my heart but no one knows that... Erm wait, now you know!

Still, I think this will be the pain of the century.

Imagine, no one is there to attend your funeral, serious case? Yes indeed! And registration of marriage is something important like funeral too! It's once in a lifetime ( to some people, I wish I am in the category too!) and I didn't leave myself a good memory of it!

I still remember me and Bun even having a fight that day morning when we're preparing at home. Pathetic or not!?

I didn't dress properly and nicely, was not in a good mood because my tummy was big and Xuan Xuan is inside, old enough to be born to this world. I was wearing a aunty-ish, white, maternity dress without ironing it before we head to the JPN.

In fact, we're late for that day too!

We're suppose to reach at 8 a.m. and the procedure should be start at 8 a.m. too... But we reach there at 10 a.m. because of the stupid argument we had earlier.

No mood to make-up, no mood to pick nicer clothes to wear, no mood to go to JPN, no mood to wait, no mood to say 'I Do!' too......

No one knows...

And still, life keeps on going, and me too moving forward until today. But really, I seriously know that something is missing from that day.

I knew we both weren't loving enough to face the entire circumstances of marriage and life which lies ahead, am I right?

All we have these days are just arguments and cold war... I just hate it when these happen!!!

That day another friend Chun Mun asked: If you're able to choose to restart, will you choose this path again?

You remain silent, but I know you wouldn't choose the same path, same as me. So, I answered him that I won't. I won't be on the same path as the same me today if I am given chance to restart this whole thing.

But don't get me wrong, I'm not regret of having Xuan Xuan as my dearest son, I'm not regret for marrying Bun and started this family, I'm just sad that the one who will share my life with me does not understand me as he should be.

If I'm given a chance to choose, I will live a life which is totally opposite with what I am living right now.

You never know what you'll be doing, who you'll met and what decision you will be making in life. You'll never know what is awaiting ahead of you...

Just like Michael Jackson passed away so sudden that everyone got shocked. No one in this world saw it coming, but God let it happened. Everyone thought he's going to grow old like everyone else does.

No body know... No one knows ANYTHING about the next minute ahead...

That's why I knew that I must do something to change my life to a better one.

At least something, I wish to do at least SOMETHING to bring the impact into my life, despite the impact is the smallest of all, I know I still have to figure it out to make a change.

I know that I have chosen this path, I will try my best to live the fullest of it.

If you're a friend of mine, do waken me up whenever I'm complaining of my life so that I can escape from the clouds of misery of my own hallucination.

Thank you.

I shall proceed to the next page of life then.

Last but not least, Jamie and Brenda are leaving Malaysia today to Melbourne, and start their newly weds life!!!

Wish you guys all the best and do always come back and visit us ya~ (If me and Bun are having sufficient financial capability, we will go Melbourne find you guys! XD)


Kim-chan said...

I do believe! R.O.M is very important and is once in a lifetime !~ And marriage is just as important asa funeral or anything! X(

I do too, if there's a chance for me to restart my life again, I hope it will be different than now because who knows what happens next?

Whenever people feel down, I do tell them this. " Every single second you are going through is different. You grew up in every second. You dunno what will happen to you in future. Or even tomorrow~"

It is true X(

If I am just same age as you, and become you and Kei-chan's real friends, I will attend your R.O.M. It is too late though to say that. *gomenasai*

You are a strong mother. You love Xuan Xuan, eventhough there is cold war, yes you angry but later you just put that aside and move on with life to make yourself happy =)

You no need people to wake you up though. Remember the day you blogged about you just knew you pregnant incident?...You were brave and look! You made a decision! I am not saying was it right or wrong decision but you made it. I actually respect people who made decision by themselves...^_^

Oops..I made a long comment again...gomenasai @_@

kurokei said...

lol to be honest I didn't know that R.O.M. is that important. What I matter is the ceremony - u know those bridesmaid and groom's friends things. and also the dinner.

But then I'm sorry that I wasn't there =( We all love you so very much! <3